so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
