Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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