Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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