Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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