3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
