he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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