as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
