I'm sorry my penis didn't work
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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