Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
