I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
