The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
