More tranny stories later!
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
