stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
