Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
