I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
