Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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