Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
