I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
