at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
