Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
