woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
