the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She bit a glass in half.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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