you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
