i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
