is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
