I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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