God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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