i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize