I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
