youre lurking in front of me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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