At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
