I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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