i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
