dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
