The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
