It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
