don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
