Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
