So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
