I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
