They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
