why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Randomize
