I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
