Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
