2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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