I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
