you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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