So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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