girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
