I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
