So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
