If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
