He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
